Today I was watching a BBC report on how children in the West are, in increasing numbers, choosing to live at home with their parents after university instead of moving out to live on their own. Many of them live at home well into their thirties or forties. Some of it is based on the economic recession, some has to do with the ease that comes with living under mom and dad's roof. Living on your own, being responsible with your money, is an acquired skill. And most kids/adults of my generation are simply unprepared for living on their own.The problem with this method of living that Westerners are adopting is not the fact that they are back at home after college. All across the world, most families would consider the idea of their children moving out to live on their own before getting married as absurd. Why is that? Children help with the family expenses, and in a poor family, a child who can go out to work, no matter how measly the pay, can make life better for the family. For a man, it gives him a chance to save up so that he can marry. In Arab culture, particularly among Muslims, the man is the one to give the "dowry" to the woman, usually gold, so that she is provided for in case anything happens to him. Traditionally, he is also required to have a home ready for her, complete with furniture. This requires a LOT of money, and some men save up for years before they are able to marry. And a woman, living on her own, unprotected by a family member like a father or uncle or brother? It's totally ridiculous! Culturally speaking, it is simply not smart for a woman to live on her own in this society because with it comes certain... stereotypes and labels about her character.
The key point I'm trying to make is that all of this leads up to something -- the man leaving his home and clinging to his wife, or the woman leaving home to start a family of her own. There is a goal present, and there is an expectation in the community that the adult-child WILL marry eventually.
Not true in the West, and herein lies the problem. There are no expectations, no clear goal, for these children coming back to the nest after they've been away at college. They live at home, continue to spend their money on themselves without regard to the rest of the family's needs, and have no intention of moving out, since marriage has been so devalued in Western society. Or they bring home their "partner" to live under their parent's roof. And many parents are allowing this?! Does anyone else see a problem with this situation, how destructive it can be to the family?
I understand there is a significant financial and economic problem in the US, and many people are without jobs right now. I think that the unemployment rate for the 20-25 age bracket is 15%, compared with 10%, which is the national average. But I also believe that the view that people have of living at home with parents needs to change dramatically. It needs to be seen as a contribution to the family, not a drain.
Did you move home (or stay at home) after you finished college? What are your views on this culture shift in our generation?
2 comments:
I love the idea of intergenerational households (as a child, Louise had her grandparents live in a granny-flat behind their home until their passing--something that seems very enriching). Perhaps there are more failures-to-launch today than before. Perhaps it's because of a general immaturity amongst 20-somethings. Anything that contradicts the traditional ('nuclear') family seems to be overemphasized in movies and media these days.
I am sympathetic to people who don't feel "ready" to make the socio-emotional transition from subordinate child to a mature marital relationship, though. Personally, I think life is far more meaningful with a covenental companion than alone--even in the crucible of advanced education.
I don't have a problem with the kids coming home after college; I have a problem with their parents having no clear-cut expectations for them. I think that if a child is still living with his/her parents, s/he needs to make SOME kind of contribution to the family, whether it be financial, helping out with chores, etc. If they don't, all it does is enable their self-indulgent behavior, and I wonder, will these people ever be able to function in a healthy relationship and be financially responsible?
I, too, prefer the bonds of marital trials and bliss to being single :-) I wouldn't trade my relationship with my husband for anything in the world!
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