Learning to live by faith not fear

These past couple of weeks have been a struggle. At the beginning of May, we discovered (to our extreme joy) that we were pregnant and would be welcoming baby #3 into the world sometime around the new year. In the midst of this excitement were strong concerns slowly building to worries in my mind... after two miscarriages, would this baby go to term, or would we lose this one too? What if something went wrong during our flight back to the USA? What if our insurance decided to drop us because we would be stateside for more than the customary six months? What if...? What if...?

Logically, I knew these fears were not exactly grounded, just my brain taking all the worst-case scenarios and compounding them until I was nervous about the smallest things. I became paranoid about what I was eating. I was meticulous with my vitamin intake. But all around me the stories were swirling -- "So-and-so just had a miscarriage, poor thing," "So-and-so's sister-in-law gave birth to a premature baby that is blind and deaf and has a hole in her heart," "my sister had a second trimester miscarriage b/c the baby had (insert rare defect)," etc. Just all the sad, scary stories we hear about from people having babies started weighing in on me quite suddenly, over the past few days. I never had these fears with my other two children; why now? It seemed like my spirit was being pummeled this time around.

It was only today that it dawned on me that this struggle that I'm dealing with is not me vs. myself It's a spiritual battle, and I am playing right into the enemy's hands. So, over the past few days I have made it a point to say a verse that has strengthened me time after time over the years: "For God has not given us a spirit of FEAR, but of POWER and LOVE and a SOUND MIND."

These thoughts I was having, they were not empowering me in my walk with the Lord. I was feeling defeated. They weren't thoughts of love, and they definitely weren't sound. I look around at my friends and family and see so many happy and healthy babies born to wonderful parents, and I wonder why I was so focused on these terrible things that were happening around me to others. Because that is what my enemy wants. And so I keep my eyes focused on Jesus and cling to Him, for He is my Rock and my strength. I no longer have to worry about what is going to happen because I know the Lord is taking care not only of me, but also of my family. It is so easy to succumb to fear rather than live by faith, trusting that He knows the situation, all the complications associated with it, and things will work together for good, for His glory. A hard lesson to remember when you're in the midst of several major life changes all happening at once!

So, keep our family in your thoughts in prayers. Pray that my energy level will be high enough to get everything ready to go, and that the trip will be smooth and safe. Ten days to go!!!